Psycho Hill Drenched Silly Novelisation
by s.f.z.019760
Summary: A disastrous funny take on the parody of the latest Silent Hill game about the main protagonist by the name of Muffin Pendulum and his crazy adventures running around and getting drenched in the rain. Any characters in this parody that are similar to the dead or alive are purely coincidental and non intentional. I also do not own Silent Hill and its series.
1. Chapter 1

**Psycho Hill Drenched (Silly Novelisation)**

**Chapter ONE**

(Cutscene)

The story started with the protagonist, Muffin Pendulum, moving along the deserted corridor of the Really Shitty Correctional Facility.

"La-la-la-la…" Muffin hummed, hopping around like a girl.

As he approaches the elevator at the end of the corridor, the doors opened and Muffin happily hops in.

(Meanwhile, outside the elevator on the first level…)

Officer Jorge Sewer leaned against the wall, drooling in his sleep.

(Back inside the elevator…)

"Let's see… hmmmm… I wonder where I can go…" He mumbled. "FUCK! Where is the elevator level panel? Why isn't there any buttons for me to press?" Muffin groaned.

Just then, the doors to the elevator suddenly close by itself, making its merry way down.

"What the-? Hey! I haven't even decided which level to go! What the hell? There ain't any buttons for me to press!" He said.

The elevator soon came to a slow stop and opened its door.

"I wonder where this level will lead me-" Muffin grumbled, as he walks out from the elevator.

"AHHH!" Muffin screamed, upon seeing a shadow in front of the elevator entrance.

"AHHH!" Jorge Sewer screamed, waking up from his sleep.

"AHHH- G-GHOST!" Muffin screamed.

"Ghost? W-wait, what ghost?" Jorge asked.

Muffin stopped screaming and stared at Jorge.

"AHHH- A TALKING GHOST!" Muffin screamed.

"AHHH- WHAT TALKING GHOST?" Jorge screamed, looking around. "WHERE IS IT?"

"R-right in front of me!" Muffin shouted.

Jorge stopped screaming and punched Muffin in the face.

"OUCH!" Muffin cried.

"FUCK YOU! WHY DID YOU SCREAM? YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME! YOU DICKHEAD!" Jorge screamed.

"Oh, it's just you, Officer Jorgy." Muffin said, rubbing at his aching face.

"Stop calling me Jorgy! It's Sexy Jorge!"

"Whatever… anyway, I'm hungry. Is there any food around here?" He asked, rubbing at his tummy.

"Dammit! Have you forgotten what you are going to do here?" Jorge asked, waving his arms crazy in the air.

"Um… to find food?" Muffin said, with a silly toothy grin.

"NO!" Jorge shouted. "Look here, I've already set up everything!" Jorge told Muffin. "You just have to be quick and do not screw up! Do you understand?"

"Yes... wait, not really… hmmm… oh, you mean…RIIGGGHHHHTTTTT… um… actually, no." Muffin blabbered.

Jorge felt like giving the imbecile another punch in the face.

"Look here, cupcake-"Jorge said.

"I'm Muffin, not cupcake." Muffin corrected him.

"That was just a figure of speech, you moron!" Jorge said. "Anyway, just get your lardass moving already! Hurry up and come with me." Jorge commanded and started walking away.

"Where are we going?" Muffin asked. "Oh, are we going to get some food or something? Is that it? A burger joint? Are we going to a burger joint? Like the Queen's burger? Huh? Huh? Wait. I didn't know there's a burger joint here at the correctional facility…"

"No. Now, just shut up and move already. I haven't got all day." Jorge replied, dryly.

"Um… okay." Muffin said, following Jorge.

(Three seconds later…)

"Are we there yet?" Muffin asked.

"What the-?" Jorge gasped. "No! We've barely even moved!"

"Okay." Muffin said. "So, are we there yet?"

"ARGHHH! No, we are NOT there yet!" Jorge replied.

"Okay." Muffin said. "So, are we there yet?"

"SHUT UP! WE ARE SO NOT THERE YET!" Jorge screamed.

"Okay… are we ther-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, CUPCAKE! OR ELSE…" Jorge interrupted, giving Muffin the finger-slashing-throat action.

"But my name is Muffin, not…" Muffin replied, his voice trailing off into silence.

Jorge took out his gun and pointed it directly at Muffin's head.

Muffin quickly placed his hand over his mouth in fear and kept quiet.

(Later, at the shower area…)

"Now, get in." Jorge motioned to Muffin.

"Shower? But I did not bring my favourite pink fluffy towel and rubber ducky." Muffin said. "Besides, I'm hungry. Can we skip the personal hygiene part and let's go get a burger or something? It will be my treat!"

Jorge stared at him.

"Do we really have to do this? I mean, seriously, I don't smell… " Muffin said, sniffing at his armpits. "… okay, fine. Maybe just a little bit. But it's really not that bad. I don't really need any shower…" Muffin said, moving closer to Jorge.

"_Seriously, you smell worse than my grandma's ass!" _Jorge thought. "Get away from me, you fartface!" Jorge shouted.

"Fine! If you say so…" Muffin said, taking a step back. "… now, can we just go get some food already? I think I can smell fries from the other side of the corridor."

"Damn you, Muffin!" Jorge scowled. "For once, can you just stop thinking about food? Listen, there's someone who is all yours inside."

"Huh? Who the fuck is it?" Muffin asked, giving Jorge a suspecting look. Suddenly, his eyes beamed with horror. "GAH! Are you trying to hook me up with some smelly whores? Please don't tell me it's that bitch from the whorehouse down at Brahms. I'm telling you, she looks like shit, man! Look, I don't fancy just any kind of whores, okay? I've got some standards, at least. Anyway, I only bang whores down at South Ashfield…"

"Shut your fucking mouth and just get in there…" Jorge said. "… by the way, if you can do what I tell you to do, I shall reward you with a little present."

"A prezzie? I love prezzies! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Muffin giggled, doing his thank-you girly dance.

"Oh god! Not that sissy dance again…" Jorge groaned.

FLASHBACK…

"_Officer Jorgy, there's no toilet paper in here. Can you pass me the toilet _paper from outside?" Muffin asked.

"_The name's Sexy Jorge! Godammit, why can't you ever get it correct? And what the fuck is that smell?" Jorge groaned, at the unpleasant pungent. Argh! Here's your fucking toilet paper… take it." Jorge said, using one hand to cover at his nose while he attempts to pass Muffin some toilet paper from underneath the door with his other hand._

_Then Muffin suddenly jumps out from the toilet cubicle and danced like a little girl._

"_Thank you, thank you, thank you! Officer Jorgy!" Muffin giggled like a sissy._

"_GAH! PUT ON YOUR PANTS, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!" Jorge screamed. "OH GROSS! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BROWN PIECE OF DISGUSTING THING HANGING FROM YOUR ASS? I-IS THAT… T-THAT YOUR SHIT?"_

_Muffin, being too engrossed in doing his thank-you dance and rubbing himself against Jorge's body, was oblivious to the screams and shouts from Jorge. Some of his shit had smeared on Jorge's uniform while his other remaining clumps of his shit fell and splattered on Jorge's new shiny shoes._

_Jorge fainted._

END OF FLASHBACK…

It took Jorge a lot of self-control to restrain himself from the urge to beat up the loser. Jorge shakes at his head in disgust. The thought of seeing Muffin perform his happy girly dance never fails to bring back grotesque memories that made him cringe in disgust.

"Muffin, just get in there…" Jorge said, almost on the verge of gorging his eyes out to relieve his pain from being visually raped by Muffin's girly thank-you dance.

"Oh, okay!" Muffin said, reaching for the door to enter.

(Inside the entrance of the shower area…)

"Hello?" Muffin shouted, looking around the dimly lit wet area.

CLICK.

Muffin turns around and fidgeted at the door knob. It was locked.

"Officer Jorgy! What are you doing? Let me out! This place gives me the creeps! It's so quiet in here that I can hear my own heart beating…" Muffin paused. "… no wait… oh, that's just my stomach growling."

"Shut up, Muffin! And for the last time, it's Sexy Jorge! Dammit! Now, get moving already!" Jorge voice blasted from the intercom.

"O-okay…" Muffin whined, feeling hurt and hungry. _"I'm scared…"_

Muffin uses both his hands to cover his eyes and slowly made his way into the shower area.

HEARTBEAT

HEARTBEAT

"_Oh god, I hope there are no ghosts in here!"_ Muffin prayed silently.

STOMACH GROWL

"_Is that my stomach growling? Man, I'm hungry… no wait. Why am I still thinking about food at such a critical moment? My life is at stake here! W-what if there are g-ghosts in here?"_

HEARTBEAT

"_Oh great! I can't see where I'm going with my hands covering my eyes. B-but I'm too scared to see... and I'm still hungry."_

STOMACH GROWL

STOMACH GROWL

"_FUCK! Why am I still thinking about food?" _

STOMACH GROWL

STOMACH GROWL

"_Dammit! This is not helping! I'm still hungry and I can't see where I'm going. I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!"_

Muffin finally decided to remove his hands from his face and open his eyes.

He stopped in his track and opened his eyes. Muffin screamed.

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SILENT HILL AND ITS SERIES.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Psycho Hill Drenched (Silly Novelisation)**

_"Yeah, you caught me red -handed. That's right, hands in the cookie jar..."_

**Chapter TWO **

"AHHH!" Muffin screamed his lungs out. He was staring at his own reflection on the mirror above a nearby sink.

"Shut up, Muffin!" Jorge's voice hissed from the intercom. "What the fuck is wrong with you? What's with the screaming?"

"N-nothing… I-I just… there's a scar on my pretty face!" Muffin cried, staring at the mirror.

"What the fuck?" Jorge almost shouted over the intercom.

Just then, the door at the opposite end of the shower area opened and a pudgy man walks in.

"_Psst! Here he is…"_ Jorge whispered through the intercom.

Muffin turns around to see a piece of lard pudgy man walking into the shower room through another door.

"GAH!" Muffin screamed. "Can't you at least wrap yourself up with a towel or something?"

"W-wha-? Who the fuck are you? What the hell is going on? Where is Officer Jorge?" The guy asked, looking around.

"I'm Muffin." Muffin said.

"Wait a minute. Muffin?" The guy asked. "As in The Muffin Man?"

"Huh?" Muffin said. "What Muffin Man?"

"The Muffin Man."

"The Muffin Man?"

"Yes, the Muffin Man!"

"What Muffin Man?"

"That Muffin Man!"

"That Muffin Man?"

"Yes, that Muffin Man."

"STOP IT! I can't take it anymore. What's wrong with you people? And what's with this Muffin Man thing?" Jorge screamed from the intercom.

"Who's that?" The pudgy man asked, looking around.

"Oh, that's Jor-" Muffin started to blabber, when Jorge suddenly motioned for him to shut up.

"SHHH! Shut up, Muffin!" Jorge's voice blasted from the intercom.

"Hey! You sound familiar! Who are you?" The pudgy man asked, looking around the place suspiciously.

"Um… n-nobody." Jorge replied.

"Wait… say that again?" The pudgy man asked.

"Um… n-nobody?" Jorge replied.

"AH-HA! You are the Officer Jorge!" The pudgy man shouted. "I can recognise that wimpy _'um… n-nobody'_ voice anywhere!"

"It's _S-E-X-Y _Jorge!" Jorge hissed through the intercom.

"So, it really is you!" The pudgy man said.

"_S-H-I-T!" _Jorge thought. "Um… t-this is a recorded message… please leave a message after the beep." Jorge mumbled, before making a fake beeping sound.

The pudgy man jawdropped.

"Look, I'm not the Muffin Man. Just Muffin, okay?" Muffin said, interrupting the pudgy man's string of thoughts. "I'm Muffin Pendulum. Now who the shit are you?"

"I see…" The pudgy guy said, still looking around the place in suspicion. He could have sworn the voice from the intercom was Jorge Sewer. "Anyway…" The pudgy man said, turning back to Muffin. "… I'm the almighty Patty Nappy!" He said, displaying a superhero pose.

"Seriously, dude… what's with that silly superhero pose?" Muffin giggled.

"Shut up! Now, look here… I'm a sequestered professional Food Taster." Patty said, doing the superhero pose again. "I'm supposed to be the only one who can get to taste all the delicious food around here…."

"_What the fuck?"_ Muffin jawdropped. "Y-you mean there is food around here and you have been eating them all this time without me? Why didn't you wait for me?"

"Huh?" Patty gasped.

"So, where is the food? WHERE IS THE FOOD?" Muffin asked, moving towards Patty.

"Stay back… or I'll shout rape!" Patty shouted, slowly moving away from Muffin.

Suddenly, Patty gave out a loud farting sound.

"What the hell?" Muffin shouted. "And what is that smell?"

"Sorry, I always fart whenever I'm nervous." Patty said, apologetically.

"Wait a minute. That smell is familiar…" Muffin said, taking a few more sniffs at Patty's ass. "AH-HA! You were the one who stole and ate all my cookies back at home! I can still remember the smelly farts from the fucking thief who loot away with all my cookies. Those were my favourite cookies!"

"W-what cookies?" Patty asked, nervously. "Um, w-what did you say your name was again?"

"It's Muffin." Muffin replied.

"R-I-G-H-T." Patty said. "Look here, Molly…"

"IT'S MUFFIN! MUFFIN! FUCKING MUFFIN!" Muffin roared.

"Fucking Muffin? Why do you wanna fuck muffins? They are so delicious!" Patty asked. "Hey Molly, you do know that it's a waste to fornicate with food, right?"

"It's Muffin… dammit, you really can't remember who I am?" Muffin asked, with sarcasm.

"_Fuck! How can I even remember who this fuckface Molly is? I mean, I've been stealing and eating so many cookies from the entire town. How am I supposed to keep track of who's who?" Patty thought._

"We used to be neighbours." Muffin said, dryly.

"Neighbours? Oh, the Pendulum family." Patty finally recalled. "So you are Molly Pendulum."

"IT'S MUFFIN!" Muffin shouted, in anger.

"Yeah yeah, whatever… you know, your cookies taste bad. Have you ever considered using cocoa frostings with-" Patty mumbled, but stopped shortly when he saw the angry look on Muffin's face.

"Um… g-guards?" Patty tried to signal for help.

(Snoring sounds coming from the intercom)

"You shall pay dearly for eating up all my cookies!" Muffin said, moving forward to eat up Patty.

(Back in the real world…)

"AHHH!" Muffin screamed, jerking awake from his bed. Muffin looked around frantically and was relieved to find himself back in his own prison cell. He was glad that it was just a dream. Muffin hated fatty food. The fact that the food in his dream was in a form of a massive naked pig does not help lessen the gross factor. The thought of devouring high cholesterol fatty foods was enough to make Muffin feel sick in the stomach.

"Rise and shine, cupcake!" Jorge called out from behind the door.

"GAH!" Muffin screamed. "What the hell are you doing there? How long have you been standing there? Oh god! Have you been secretly staring at me while I sleep?" Muffin scowled, in disgust. _"You sicko!"_

"_What the fuck?"_ Jorge thought. "Shut up and get moving! We don't have all day!" Jorge scowled.

Muffin reluctantly stands up and places his hands on the small opening of his prison cell door. Jorge handcuffs him and orders for the prison cell door to open.

"Open up 302B!" Jorge calls out.

"Yay! I'm free! I'M FINALLY FREE!" A voice shouted.

"Shut up, Henry! I'm not opening up Room 302. It's 302B!" Jorge scowled at the person in the next prison cell.

"Damn you, Walter Sullivan… damn you!" Henry grumbled, in disappointment and crawled back into the hole on the wall.

(Later, at the entrance of the Really Shitty Correctional Facility…)

"So, I guess today is the big day, huh?" Jorge said to Muffin. "Are you gonna miss us?"

"Not really, Officer Jorgy…" Muffin replied. "… because the food here sucks!"

"It's Sexy Jorge! Dammit!" Jorge said. "Anyway, give yourself a couple of days at WayShitty Max, I bet you will miss us soon enough because from what I've gathered, the prisoners at the place where you will be transferred are served with worse meals…" Jorge said, with a sinister laugh.

"W-worse meals?" Muffin gulped, trembling in fear.

"Yeah, a lot worse…" Jorge said. "… like liquid diets."

"GAH!" Muffin gasped. "L-liquid diets?"

"Yeah… if you really know what that means…" Jorge replied, sarcastically.

"I-I… I know what that means…" Muffin said. _"Shit! What the hell are liquid diets, anyway? Do they even taste good?" _He thought.

Jorge gave him a weird stare. Muffin soon saw the weird look on Jorge's face and he gave Jorge a fake confident smile.

"_Does this imbecile really know what the fuck are liquid diets? I shall not tell him it's pee. Ha-ha. Wait a minute! W-what if he DOES know that its pee? Yucks! I wonder why he is so happy about drinking pee… " _Jorge thought, in horror. _"Oh gross! I don't think I wanna know… what a perv!"_

Just then, the main door to the correctional facility opens and Muffin, together with some other prisoners, was escorted by a guard to a waiting bus outside. A female officer standing by the entrance of the bus tries to seduce each of the prisoners, as they were slowly moving up the waiting bus, by giving them suggestive oral-sex hand signals.

The prisoners groan in disgust, as they hurriedly try to board the bus as quickly as they could.

As Muffin approaches the waiting bus, the female officer uses the clipboard in her hand to stop Muffin.

But it ended up slapping his face.

"OUCH! Dammit!" Muffin screamed. "MY NOSE!"

"Oops, sorry!" The female officer said.

"Fuck you!" Muffin groaned.

"Yes, finally." The female officer said, and started to remove her clothes.

"_Um, Officer Anna Cunt'inhand… I don't think he meant it literally…"_ The guard beside the female officer whispered.

"Dammit!" She said, buttoning her shirt back up.

Muffin stared at her in disbelieve.

"Ahem… so, you are…" She fumbled, referring to the transfer papers in her hands. "… Muffin Pendulum?" She finally asked.

"Yeah." Muffin replied.

"Get up the bus. I will be watching you!" She ordered, licking her lips and giving Muffin a wink as she secretly passed him a piece of paper while he boarded the bus.

Muffin was disturbed by Cunt'inhand's behaviour. Her stinky hot breath breathing down his neck was making him nauseous. Muffin quickly ran up the bus and found a place to sit down. Muffin felt relieved. He was relieved to have escaped from the slut's clutches. Well, at least for now. Muffin told himself that he would have to deal with that bitch later if she ever tries to make any more sexual advances on him again. As he sat there, Muffin remembered the piece of paper which Cunt'inhand had passed him and he opens up the crumpled piece of paper to have a look at its contents.

"**fOr a gOoD time, GiVe mE a CaLL :)**

**aNNa cUnT'iNhAnd"**

"_BITCH!" _Muffin thought, throwing the piece of paper away in disgust.

As the bus pull out of Really Shitty Correctional Facility, it started to rain.

(Moments later…)

Someone is staring. Muffin knew it. He could feel the stare burning into his skull. He gritted at his teeth while trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of being stared at. Muffin tried looking out the window, hoping that the seeing the rain outside will make the feeling go away. He even went to the extent of trying to focus on his hunger issue, hoping that the fantasy of food filling up his stomach would ease the discomfort feeling. But still, it wasn't helping. Finally, Muffin could tolerate it no more. He decided to do something.

"STOP STARING AT ME ALREADY!" Muffin finally shouted, looking in the direction where Officer Cunt'inhand is sitting.

"What are you talking about, Muffin?" Cunt'inhand asked, as she continues to give him the seductive "call me for sex" action.

"I'm talking about you, bitch… a-and your disgusting slutty actions!" Muffin replied, in disgust.

"Who? Me?" Cunt'inhand asked, pretending to dig at her nostrils while she looks around and feigns ignorance.

"Who else?" Muffin said. "I'm telling you, I'm not interested in having sex with you, bitch! I'm just hungry and all I want is food, you get it?"

"Whatever…" Cunt'inhand rolled her eyes, and turns her attention on the other prisoners and proceeds to seduce them with her suggestive immoral actions.

The other prisoners all groaned in disgust.

Muffin felt ill in his stomach. He turned his focus back at the window and wondered if the queasy feeling was due to the ugly bitch or his hunger issues. As he contemplates at the various theories, Muffin soon fell asleep.

_Muffin's dream started off with him munching happily at big bowl of cereal. The cereals tasted delicious in his mouth. Muffin drooled. He giggled like a little girl as he played with his food before putting them into his mouth to savour at the wonderful taste of the cereals. Suddenly, the cereals disappeared. Muffin cried and looked around for his beloved cereal. Then, the scene slowly change and Muffin found himself under the arrest of the police._

Muffin woke up from his sleep.

"_What a nightmare…" _He thought, wiping away the drool from his mouth.

"So, did you really do it?" One of the prisoners sitting near him asked.

"Do what?" Muffin asked.

"Well, you know…" The prisoner said.

"_Oh shit. How did he know I ate my son's cereals? Did I talk in my sleep?"_ Muffin thought. "Look here, I'm not a cereal killer… if that's what you are trying to imply!" Muffin replied.

"S-serial killer?" The prisoner asked, in disbelieve.

"Yeah, I only ate them… that's all!" Muffin told him.

"Y-you… you e-eat them?" The prisoner gasped, obviously in shock. _"He killed and ate people? Gross. I didn't know he was a cannibal… what kind of monster is he anyway?" _He thought.

"Yeah, I simply can't resist the temptation of the cereals. They are delicious, you know?" Muffin continued.

"Wait. Cereals? What cereals? What the fuck are you talking about?" The prisoner asked.

"Huh? Aren't you asking if I was the one who ate the cereals?" Muffin asked.

"What the-? Hell, no." The prisoner retorted. "I asked if it was you who stole all the chocolate bars from the vending machine back at the Really Shitty Correctional Facility."

"Oh, that-" Muffin muttered. _"Damn, he knows too much…"_

"SHUT UP!" Cunt'inhand scowled. "I'm trying to seduce the bus driver over here, dammit! Show me some respect, at least!" Cunt'inhand said, as she proceeds to pounce on top of the bus driver and attempts to suffocate the poor man with her boobs.

The driver looks back at the prisoners, with his hand outreach, trying to plead for help.

"Help me!" The bus driver cried, gasping for air and struggling in his seat. "RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!"

The prisoners all groaned in disgust at the sight before them. One of the prisoners puked while another prisoner went to the extent of trying to gorge his eyes out. All the prisoners felt sorry for the bus driver. But none of them, including Muffin, went to his rescue.

"_Better to be him than me."_ All the prisoners thought, unanimously.

In the midst of the struggle, the bus driver loses control of the bus, which rolls off the highway and tumbles down the cliff.

"AHHH!" Everyone on board screamed.

CRASH!

And then, the hill was silent once again.

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SILENT HILL AND ITS SERIES.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Psycho Hill Drenched (Silly Novelisation)**

**Chapter THREE**

(Somewhere down the cliff…)

Muffin regains his consciousness at the crash site. He woke up next to the bus which had crashed into the lake.

"Oh man…" Muffin groaned. "… I'm hungry."

Muffin slowly picked himself up from the ground and walks around. _"Where the fuck is everyone?"_

"Hello?" He called out, after picking up a walkie-talkie near the forsaken bus. As he walked past some rock boulders, a flock of crows suddenly flew out of nowhere.

"AHHH!" Muffin screamed, frantically running away from the invading birds like a girl. Unfortunately, in the course of his panic move, Muffin ended up bumping head on into a nearby tree trunk and fainted.

(More moments later…)

"W-what happened?" Muffin moaned, waking up again.

He slowly lifted himself up and walked towards the area where the flock of crows had attacked him. _"If there were birds, then there must be food! Yippie!" _Muffin thought, with a smirk on his face. Muffin slowly made his way past the rock boulders to explore the deserted area beside the lake. To his disappointment, he only found a flashlight on a dead corpse.

"Oh my god! That Officer Cunt'inhand got to him too?" Muffin groaned, staring at the dead corpse on the ground. _"That's one horrid rape! What a psycho rapist bitch!" _He thought, staring at the blood and gore on the dead corpse.

Just then, Muffin heard sounds of bushes rustling in the background and he screamed. He turns around, half expecting the psycho Officer bitch to pound on him. But there was nothing. Muffin heaved a sigh of relieve and rubbed at his tummy. The growling in his tummy was making him feel light headed. He was still hungry from all the actions but there wasn't any food around here. _"Need to keep on looking for food while stay away on clear course from that psycho bitch."_ Muffin made a mental note to himself. Muffin hated Officer Cunt'inhand and he blamed her for causing the bus to crash. After all, Muffin was so looking forward to having his "liquid diet" food at WayShitty Max, even though he seriously had no idea what it really meant. After picking up the flashlight, Muffin continues to explore the forsaken place until he came across a fallen tree.

Muffin could smell the road up ahead. The road to his freedom. But more importantly, he could smell the food from the Diner. Muffin slowly made his way across the rotten piece of beam, whining and screaming like a little girl. When he has finally reached the other side, the beam collapsed behind him, into the chasm below.

"AH-HA!" A voice shouted from behind him.

"GAH!" Muffin screamed.

It was Officer Anna Cunt'inhand.

"SO THERE YOU ARE! NOW REMOVE YOUR UNDERWEAR AND BRING IT UP WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!" Officer Cunt'inhand ordered.

Muffin turned around and groaned in disgust.

"What exactly do you want?" Muffin asked. "Why can't you just leave me the hell alone?"

"You know _WHAT_ I want…" She grinned, with a suggestive seductive smile.

"Fuck you!" Muffin shouted at her, giving a middle finger.

"YES!" Officer Cunt'inhand beamed, unbuttoning her shirt.

"_Not again!" _Muffin slaps his hand on his face and shakes at his head in disgust. "No, you psycho bitch… I don't mean it that way!" He groaned.

"Dammit!" She cursed. "Why won't you want me?" She asked.

"_Because you are downright fucking ugly and the thought of making out with you is making me sick!" _Muffin thought.

"TELL ME, DAMMIT!" Officer Cunt'inhand ordered, pointing her handgun at Muffin.

"GAH!" Muffin screamed, putting both his hands up in the air.

"Well, you got 10 seconds…" She said, slowing making her way across the dangerous edge of the chasm. "… before I rape you."

"Look, I'm just hungry, okay?" Muffin said to her. "… and I can smell the Diner up there." He groaned.

She clicked her handgun and continued forward.

"GAH! You really don't have to do this, you know?" Muffin assured her. "I-I… I was just trying to get some food…" Muffin lied.

"And you just happened to lose your handcuffs? Nice try mister!" She said.

"_Damn, looks like she doesn't believe me… she's a smart one." _Muffin thought. "I swear I was just heading to the Diner to get some food…" Muffin told her.

"You've got four more friggin' seconds, mister!" Officer Cunt'inhand said.

"W-well… maybe to get some help as well…" Muffin lied. "Look, this is stupid. Why don't you turn back? I will meet you back down at the bus with some takeaway food from the Diner…"

But before Officer Cunt'inhand could even reply, her foot slips and she fell. In her attempt to grab on to the edge of the wall, she dropped her handgun into the chasm. "AHH!" She cried, gripping tightly at the edge of the chasm and hangs on to it. "Pull me up! PULL ME UP!"

Muffin saw his chance and quickly dashes forward to kick at her fingers. "Die bitch, die! Muwahaha…"

Officer Cunt'inhand soon loses her grip to Muffin's kick and fell into the chasm.

"FUCK YOOUUU…" She screamed, falling and disappearing into the chasm below.

"You are welcome!" Muffin shouted into the chasm.

Muffin then proceeds to climb at the rocky slope leading up to the highway.

"Food… Food… Food…" He mumbled, with every reach he made.

(Later…)

Muffin was walking towards the Diner when he came across an old delivery truck parked outside the building. Muffin slowed down in his track and approached the truck. There was something about the delivery truck that is drawing him towards it. _"But what?"_ Muffin could not figure out what exactly is wrong with the delivery vehicle, but every muscle and nerve in his body said so otherwise. He carefully walks around the vehicle and attempts to lick at almost every part of vehicle, trying to determine the reason.

As he licks his way towards the driver's window, Muffin suddenly paused. There was a smell. The smell was faint, but definitely familiar. Muffin decided to start sniffing for clues. As he sniffed at the driver's window, Muffin saw something that almost made him peed in his pants.

On the driver's seat were packets of hotdog buns.

"Thank lord!" He cried, drooling over his precious find. Muffin fidgeted furiously at the door handle of the car, but it was locked. "Dammit!" He shouted.

"Nice buns…" A voice said, behind him.

"GAH!" Muffin jumped, and turned around to find a mailman standing behind him. "Dammit, are you trying to hit on me too?" He confronted the mailman.

"What the hell?" The mailman asked.

"Look here, it's not my fault that I have a sexy butt, okay? So stop hitting on me or making crude sexual advancement on my sexy buns!" Muffin shouted.

"Um… I was referring to the hotdog buns in the car…" The mailman said, rolling at his eyes with disgust. "I don't swing it that way, buddy."

"These hotdog buns are mine!" Muffin said. "Finders keepers! Ha! Go away! I think I hear your mama calling you… now run along." Muffin shooed him away.

"Mama? Where's my mama?" The mailman asked, looking around.

"You are really that dense, huh?" Muffin asked.

"_What the fuck?" R_ealised that he had been conned, the mailman reached for his mailbag and uses it to beat up the living daylight out of the imbecile.

"Ouch! Not my face! Not my face!" Muffin growled, in pain. "FUCK! DID YOU JUST HIT MY FACE?"

"This will teach you a lesson not to mess with me!" The mailman said, putting down his mailbag. "Now, I believe we have not been introduced yet. I'm Howeird Blackwud."

"Muffin Pendulum…" Muffin said, rubbing at his sore head.

"So, what's with the prisoner costume?" Howeird asked.

"Look, I don't want any trouble and-" Muffin explained.

"Are you going to some costume party?" Howeird interrupted. "Care to bring me along? I've got my mailman uniform… I heard the girls dig at guys with uniforms… Hehe." Howeird laughed.

"What the fuck?" Muffin shouted. "What makes you think I would bring you to any party, grandpa? What will others think if they saw you hanging around with me? I've got some standards, at least…"

Howeird jawdropped.

"… besides, I just wanted to get something to eat from the Diner." Muffin said.

"DANG!" Howeird said, feeling hurt. "Anyway, the roads are out, every last one of them. This will be the last Diner you can get your food though… but I heard their food sucks." He mumbled to Muffin.

"No shit!" Muffin gasped, his eyes widened.

Just then, Muffin thought he saw a person in the delivery truck gobbling down his hotdog buns. Muffin screamed.

"NOOO! Not my hotdog buns!" He shouted.

"What the fuck are you screaming about?" Howeird asked.

"Didn't you see that? That bastard… he ate my-" Muffin shouted, pointing back to the inside of the delivery truck.

There was no one there.

"_This guy got issues, man…" _Howeird thought. "Anyway, I heard that there's a place that serves better food outside of this town. If you are really desperate for some good food, you can try the old sky tram."

"What? I need to take the old sky tram? That sounds far…" Muffin grumbled. _"I'm really hungry…"_

"Look here, son… sometimes, it pays to put in some effort in order to savour food that tastes out of this world." Howeird told him.

Muffin stared at him suspiciously. "But that sky tram looked old. I mean, really old!" He said, squinting his eyes towards the direction of the old sky tram erected far away at the Devil's Crouch on the other side of the road. "Are you really sure it's safe to even use? It looks like it hasn't been kept up…"

"Yeah, ever since the accident..." Howeird blabbered.

"ACCIDENT? WHAT ACCIDENT?" Muffin shouted.

Howeird gulped. "Um… did I say accident?" He asked, realising that he had accidentally thought aloud. "I meant it hasn't been kept up since… um… since t-the opening of the Restaurant outside of this town." Howeird replied, nervously.

"Restaurant? Are you sure the food is good?" Muffin asked, obviously on the verge of salivating.

"Of course. Eh, trust me… I'm the mailman and I travel a lot!" Howeird said.

Muffin still doesn't believe Howeird. He looked at the mailman suspiciously and turned his attention back at the old sky tram. _"Nothing this guy said made sense. And what's with all the chasms and broken roads? If all the roads are out like what he said, then how the fuck did he get around? Oh god! Please don't tell me he can fly…" _Muffin thought, in horror.

"_Why is this Muffin guy staring so hard at the old sky tram? And why does he have the constipated look on his face? Wait. Nothing the guy mentioned made any sense. What is with that prisoner costume he is wearing? I don't believe prisoners can run around freely. No wait. What if he is not what he seemed? Is he from the tax evasion office? I bet he is. That prisoner costume is probably a disguise. How the fuck did they know that I've been evading my taxes? Shit! Are there more of them?" _Howeird thought, looking around in fear.

"_I guess I'd better run…" _Howeird secretly thought, as he looks upon Muffin, who was still lost in his thoughts and staring in the direction of the old sky tram. Howeird slowly tiptoes backward, away from Muffin. But unfortunately, Howeird accidentally misses one of his steps and he trips and falls into the broken road behind him.

"So, how did you-?" Muffin asked, turning back to the mailman and only to find him no longer around.

"What the fuck? Where'd he go?" Muffin asked, looking around.

Muffin searched high and low for the mailman. He went to the extent of flipping up rocks to look under it.

"Howeird, where are you?" Muffin called, looking into a toolbox next to the delivery truck.

After a while, Muffin gave up as his empty tummy was obviously acting up on him again. Muffin remembered the hotdog buns in the delivery truck and he quickly turned back to the vehicle. _"First, the hotdog buns. Next, the Diner. As for the Restaurant outside of this town, it shall have to wait!" _Muffin thought.

Unfortunately, as he returned to the delivery truck, the hotdog buns were all gone.

"NOOOOO!" Muffin screamed. "It must be that asshole Howeird! How dare he run away with my stash! He shall not be forgiven!"

(Later, inside the Diner…)

Muffin desperately sniffed around the deserted Diner for food. Apart from finding some rotten junks on the table, the Diner was perpetually abandoned. Muffin was disappointed. Disappointed by the fact that there was nothing to eat. He was hungry. Not wanting to give up, Muffin continues his desperate attempt to search the place for food. For anything. Even if it's just a cookie, Muffin would die a happy man. As he was running around searching for food, Muffin found a flyer on of the table.

_**Early Residents of Devil's Crouch**_

_**Did you know that naive tax evaders used to call Psycho Hill home? Analysts know this because many tax evaders have the habit of "checking-in" their locations in Psycho Hill on their Facebook account, specifically within the residential areas surrounding the Devil's Crouch. A number of these tax evaders started to hold their tax evasion conference for new tax payers, suggesting the importance of the new tax payers to join the Tax Evasion Cult. In fact, one of the names given to this area was "Comehereifyouarepoor" – "Nest of the Evaders."**_

_**HEY NEW TAX PAYERS:**_

_**IS PSYCHO HILL A SPECIAL PLACE TO YOU? IF YOU WERE NAMING THE TAX EVASION CULT, WHAT WOULD YOU CALL IT TO AVOID THE ATTENTION OF THE TAX EVASION OFFICE? **_

_**p.s. Selected winning entry would be given a free one-year membership to the Tax Evasion Cult.**_

"What the fuck?" Muffin said. "There's even a cult for tax evaders? I wonder if there's any for food lovers… mmmm… free food…"

Snapping out of his fantasy, Muffin decides to steal some money from the cash register, hoping that he could buy some food later from the Restaurant outside of the town.

(Later, in the Motel next to the adjoining Diner…)

"La-la-la-la…" Muffin hops down the stairs, into the basement of the Motel. As he reached the bottom of the flight of stairs, he heard some orgasmic noise coming from inside the area.

"_Free porn!" _Muffin grinned.

Muffin happily pranced his way towards the source of the sound. When he finally arrived, he giggled and peeped into the area.

What he saw was enough to make any living human being commit mass suicide.

It took Muffin five seconds to digest the gruesome sight before him. And when it finally did, Muffin screamed.

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SILENT HILL AND ITS SERIES.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Psycho Hill Drenched (Silly Novelisation)**

"_Out of the Frying Pan? So where's the Food?"_

**Chapter FOUR**

_FLASHBACK…_

_(Two hours earlier…)_

_One of the inmates, Sandcooties, slowly crawled out from the crashed bus. He had no major injuries except a splitting headache. The last thing he remembered before the bus crash was about him asking Muffin Pendulum if he was the one who stole the chocolate bars from the vending machine._

_And of course, seeing Officer Anna Cunt'inhand raping the bus driver. _

_Sandcooties groaned at the thought of Officer Anna Cunt'inhand. The grotesque sight of her groping at the bus driver's private parts and furiously licking the bus driver still etched clearly at the back of his mind. _

_Sandcooties shuddered at the memories._

_As he slowly made his way out from the wrecked bus, he heard the wimpy girly sounds of Muffin and yelping of the officer bitch echoing from inside the forested area._

"_Oh man… can't believe they even had the mood to make out in this shit place!" Sandcooties muttered, looking around the forsaken forest. "Go get a room!"_

_Sandcooties decided against walking towards the direction of Muffin and that psyho bitch Officer Cunt'inhand because the last thing he wanted right now was to let that slut Officer Cunt'inhand apprehend him. God knows what indecent acts she would make him do or even worse, make him do it to her. Also, the thought of seeing her making out with another one of her victims was making him feel nauseous. Sandcooties quickly turned around and attempted to explore the area for another route that might lead him out of this forsaken crash site. He studied the geographical layout of the place before deciding to climb back up the slope where the bus came crashing down._

_After what seemed like an eternity, Sandcooties finally manage to get his ass back on the main road. He slowly walked around the deserted place, scurrying through the foggy roads, while constantly keeping a look-out for the Officer Cunt'inhand bitch._

_Sandcooties soon came across a forsaken building along the side of the road, when he heard some noise coming from somewhere near the building and decided to approach the place to check it out. While slowly making his way towards the building, Sandcooties suddenly felt a growl in his stomach. He was hungry. Sandcooties realised that all the walking was starting to make him feel weak. As the building before him slowly came into view, Sandcooties almost peed in his pants when he saw the big letters at the top of the building._

_D . I . N . E . R_

"_The Diner!" Sandcooties beamed. _

_Just as he was heading for the Diner, he saw Muffin Pendulum standing outside the Diner, talking to a mailman by the car. Sandcooties realised that the only person now standing between him and the Diner was Muffin. Sandcooties told himself that he must not let that Muffin thief reach the Diner before him. If a person was hungry enough to steal chocolate bars in a Correctional Facility, he would be pervert enough to kill for food. Sandcooties stared wearily at Muffin and the mailman. He tried to time his moves so that they would not even notice him sneaking pass them and into the Diner._

"_Who's that mailman? And more importantly, where is that bitch Officer Cunt'inhand?" Sandcooties wondered, looking around for any sight of that psycho bitch as he sneaked up towards the duo. Sandcooties did not want to get any surprise attack from that bitch from out of nowhere._

_"Are you going to some costume party?" Sandcooties overheard the mailman asking Muffin. "Care to bring me along? I've got my mailman uniform… I heard the girls dig at guys with uniforms… Hehe." The mailman laughed._

_Sandcooties continued listening to the conversation between the mailman and Muffin as he tiptoed towards the back of the car. "Costume party? What the hell…?" Sandcooties thought, as he quietly took cover on the other side of the car, well hidden from Muffin and the mailman._

_"What the fuck?" Sandcooties heard Muffin shouted. "What makes you think I would bring you to any party, grandpa? What will others think if they saw you hanging around with me? I've got some standards, at least. Besides, I just wanted to get something to eat from the Diner." Muffin said._

"_Something to eat?" Sandcooties listened quietly. There was no way Sandcooties would want to let that motherfucker glutton get inside the Diner before him. If Muffin was to get into the Diner before him, all the food would be tainted. Sandcooties needed to work out a strategy. And he needed to do it fast. _

_"DANG!" The mailman said. "Anyway, the roads are out, every last one of them. This will be the last Diner you can get your food though… but I heard their food sucks." The mailman told Muffin._

"_The Diner food sucks? Great! There goes my hope to scavenge inside the Diner and-" Sandcooties paused, as his eyes saw what was inside the car._

_Packets of delicious-looking hotdog buns. _

_Sandcooties quietly pried at the door handle, but it was locked. He then conveniently dug out a lockpick from inside his ass to unlock the car door and get inside._

_"No shit!" Muffin gasped._

_Sandcooties swore his heart skipped a beat when he overheard Muffin's voice. He thought that Muffin had discovered him and his unscrupulous act to devour the hotdog buns. But when Sandcooties realised that Muffin was still talking to the mailman, he quickly opened the door and started taking the hotdog buns before gobbling them up like a hungry dog._

_Just then, Muffin turned his head into the car compartment and saw a person in the forsaken vehicle gobbling down his hotdog buns. Muffin screamed._

_"NOOO! Not my hotdog buns!" He shouted._

_Sandcooties almost choked on the hotdog buns. He quickly rounded up the remaining hotdog buns, exited the car, and scuttled into the Diner before anyone sees him._

_(Later…)_

_Sandcooties entered the adjoining Motel from the Diner. As soon as he had finished the last of the hotdog buns, Sandcooties slowly made his way around the place, trying to look for an escape route to freedom. Sandcooties found a stairway leading down into the basement of the Motel and he proceeded to walk down the flight of stairs._

"_Oh thank lord! I've finally found another human…" Sandcooties heard a woman's voice, as soon as he had reached inside the area next to the bottom of the stairs landing. _

_Sandcooties turned to the source of the voice and saw a large human-size hotdog dancing around. _

_Or at least that's what he thought he saw._

"_Sir? What's your name?" A woman asked._

"_WHAT'S . YOUR . NAME?" Sandcooties smiled, as he repeated after her. He was obviously still under the influence of the hotdog hallucination._

"_What? This is my dream and you don't even know my name?" She asked, in a snobbish tone. "My name is Cynthea. And yes, I'm a whore, if that's what you are thinking… hehe… Anyway, do you know what is happening here? Where are all the people? I think something weird is going on here and we need to get out of here. Do you know a way out of this town…" Cynthea said, digging at her nose._

"_CYNTHEA HOTDOG?" Sandcooties mumbled._

"_Ewww, no." Cynthea groaned. "Anyway, if you can get me out, I will promise to give you something really special…" She giggled, running her finger suggestively along her neckline, and leaving trails of her disgusting booger on her neck._

"_SYNTHIA HOTDOG!" He drooled._

"_Uh, sir? Why are you drooling?" Cynthea asked. "And may I ask why are you in that prisoner costume?"_

_Sandcooties could no longer resist the temptation of his hotdog hallucination and he quickly pounced onto the woman and began chewing into her._

"_AHHH!" She screamed._

_END OF FLASHBACK…_

(Back at the Motel Basement...)

Muffin's face was totally drained of blood as he witnessed the gruesome sight before him. Muffin saw Sandcooties playing with the innards of some busty woman and stuffing some of it into his mouth.

"AHHH!" Muffin screamed, on the verge of puking.

"Huh?" Sandcooties turned to look at Muffin, with some of the disgusting innards still dangles from his mouth. "Muffin! I-I, I…" He mumbled, turning his head back at the woman. "GAH! ITS NOT A HOTDOG!" Sandcooties screamed.

"You sick fuck!" Muffin screamed, covering his mouth with his hand and gagged.

"N-no wait… it's not what you think!" Sandcooties explained.

Muffin could no longer hold his vomit and he puked all over Sandcooties.

"FUCK YOU!" Sandcooties shouted, disgusted at the loads of gore all over him. Not to mention the raw taste of innards that still lingers in his mouth. "You are so gonna get it from me!" Sandcooties said.

"GAH!" Muffin screamed, obviously disgusted by vomits and innards covered human approaching him. "No, no… get away, you filthy bastard!" He shouted.

"How dare you vomit on me!" Sandcooties shouted, running towards Muffin. Unfortunately, he accidentally tripped on one of Cynthea's innards and fell, hitting his head directly on the floor and breaking his neck in the process.

"Ewww…" Muffin groaned, at the sight of the dead bodies.

And he vomited some more.

(Later, outside the Motel…)

The rain was beginning to get him totally drenched. Muffin groaned as he walks around the premise in the cold rain. He's hair was dripping wet and his prisoner clothes were thoroughly soaked. Muffin felt disgusted at the fact that the rain water, damping his pretty locks, is not making look any sexier. Muffin looks around the area before deciding to take shelter at the closest house.

"Hello?" Anybody?" He asked, opening the door to the house.

Silence.

Muffin found a set of clothes on the bed. It was a flamboyant set of clothes that had bright purple and yellow polka dots with a big shocking pink ribbons at the front and matching neon green pants with orange stripes. Muffin decided to change into the new set of clothes as he felt that this new set of clothes would definitely be less attention grabbing as compared to his dull prisoner clothes. But attention to who? There ain't no shit humans around here, except that bitch Officer Anna Cunt'inhand and that mailman Howeird Blackwud. _"That bitch is probably dead by now and that mailman will probably be dead soon when I get hold of that sneaky hotdog bun thief!" _Muffin thought. Muffin ransacked the house but only to realise that there ain't any food here.

"No food here. No food anywhere in this whole friggin' town. No wonder there are no decent souls around here. All of them had probably died of starvation." Muffin groaned at the thought of food. After all the vomiting, Muffin is feeling hungrier than ever.

After he had finish changing into the new set of clothes and ransacked the place, Muffin ran into another house where he managed to siphon a free one year round trip ticket to ride on the Devil's Crouch Aerial Tram from a forsaken broken down ticket machine dispenser. _"I guess my best bet right now would be to take the tram ride at Devil's Crouch to get food at the Restaurant outside of this town…" _Muffin thought, staring at the tram ticket in his hand. _"… dammit! I need food!"_

(At The Souvenir Shop…)

With the tram ticket in his hand, Muffin happily inserts the ticket into the machine and enters into the tram boarding area through the spinning turnstile. Muffin happily hops into the tram and watched as the door closes.

"_I wonder why I have the urge to hit on the door and shout for help…"_ Muffin thought. _"… well, I guess I do that a lot… like the time when I boarded the train at Hazel Street Subway Station and the time when I boarded the train at Bergen Street Subway Station and…."_

_FLASHBACK…_

_The train arrived at Hazel Street Subway Station and it slowly came to a stop. The doors to the train opened and Muffin happily hopped into it, with the doors closing behind him. As the train was about to pull out of the station, Muffin quickly turned around and started hitting at the closed door with his hand._

"_HELP! LET ME OUT!" He shouted._

"_Help! Let me out!" A girl shouted._

_Muffin stopped and starred at the girl beside him. The girl looked weird. She looked like some alien as she was dressed in some pink princess costume._

"_What are you staring at?" She growled._

_Muffin shrugged. He then decided to ignore her and continued hitting on the doors and screaming for help._

"_HELP! LET ME OUT!" Muffin shouted._

"_Help! Let me out!" The girl shouted._

"_HELP! LET ME OUT!" Muffin shouted._

"_Hey mister! Stop mimicking me!" She said._

"_HELP! LET ME OUT!" Muffin shouted, ignoring her._

"_Look, do I have to scream rape?" She threatened._

"_What the fuck? I did not mimic you! Bitch!" Muffin retaliated._

"_Yes you did!"_

"_No I didn't!"_

"_Yes you did!"_

"_No I didn't!"_

"_Yes!"_

"_No!"_

_Just then, the girl's cell phone rang and she stopped her bickering to pick up the call._

"_Hey, dad… sorry I was late… and no, I'm not that Sybil Bentover slut… stop fantasizing about bitches in uniforms already… what? I TOLD YOU ALREADY, I'M NOT THAT SLUT! Yes, I'm Harether… What do you mean who's Harether? I'm Harether, your daughter… What do you mean which one? You've only got one daughter… yes, it's me, H-A-R-E-T-H-E-R… yeah, I did not get you that Darhling Gulliblespy playboy magazine you asked for… What? Why is it my fault? It was on limited edition and was sold out already, okay? WHAT? NO WAY! I'm not gonna pose naked for you… I'm your daughter, you sick fuck! What do you mean… oh yeah? Well, fuck back to you too!" She shouted at the cell phone and hung up._

"_Wow, some bitching business you got there…" Muffin said._

"_Thanks!" Harether said._

_There was an awkward silence between the two as they stood by the doors looking around the place, not knowing what to say._

_(Two seconds later…)_

"_HELP! LET ME OUT!" Muffin shouted, returning to his furious hitting on the doors._

"_Help! Let me out!" Hairther shouted, in unison._

_The train conductor was getting annoyed by the two imbeciles constantly hitting on the doors even before the train pulls out from the station. He then released the train door handle to open the doors for them to get off the train. _

_Muffin saw the chance to rid of his competitor when he saw the doors open._

"_Look there… a spaceship…" Muffin said, pointing to the outside of the train._

"_Where? Where?" Harether chirped, looking out._

"_T-H-E-R-E!" Muffin said, giving her a kick in the butt. _

_And then the doors closed._

"_HA!" Muffin cheered, showing Harether the middle finger from the inside of the train._

"_Fuck You!" Harether screamed._

_The train then pulls out of the station._

_END OF FLASHBACK… _

Just then, the tram started to move and Muffin started hitting on the tram doors and shouted for help.

"HELP! LET ME OUT!" He shouted, giggling at the fun of it while the tram continues its merry way to the Devil's Crouch.

(At the Devil's Crouch…)

Muffin found a radio on a table and gently turns it on.

"… oh man, my groin is itchy. Dammit, I hope it's not STD… fuck that Darhling Gulliblespy whore down the street! She said she was clean and disease free. That's bullshit! I shouldn't have trusted that wrinkly old bitch… but I guess I've got no choice, she's the cheapest around and… Uh, what? I'm on air? Like right now? Shit! Uh, where was I… oh right… Hey! This is DJ Booby Dicks and this next dedication goes out to the ever sexy Muffin Pendulum. You just keep walking, brother. Just walk and walk and walk and walk in the rain. I don't care if you break your legs from all the walking or catch a cold from the rain, you see, I simply don't care and… now what? Huh? What do you mean just follow the dedication list and stop talking rubbish? Why can't I express my own feelings in this dedication? WHAT? Did you just call me an ugly cow? Why you-!"

(Sounds of scuffle in the background…)

"H-help…" The muffling screams of another person echoed in the background. "I-I, I'm your supervisor… y-you… you can't do this t-to me…"

(More sounds of scuffle in the background…)

"THERE YOU GO! NOW STAY DEAD AND DON'T YOU EVEN DARE TRY TO GET UP! YOU HERE ME? NOBODY CALLS ME AN UGLY COW!" Booby Dicks said.

Muffin jawdropped.

"…and now, as I was saying, you keep walking Muffin, while your best pal DJ Booby Dicks here at WLMN FM will also do the same, running your dedications and playing the music y'all wanna hear…"

(Static)

(Later, at the Tourist Center…)

Muffin reaches the top of the gorge observatory. As he walks around the deserted place, he heard a voice from behind him.

"Merry?"

"AHHH!" Muffin jumped.

"AHHH!" The person behind him screamed.

Muffin turns around to see a blond guy standing behind him. The guy was holding a letter in his hand.

"Fuck you! Don't ever go around sneaking up on other people like that!" Muffin shouted. "Now what do you want?"

"No, you are not Merry…" The guy mumbled. "I guess I've mistaken you for her…"

"What the-?" Muffin said. "Who the fuck is Merry? Your bitch?"

"No… my late wife." The guy said.

"Whatever…" Muffin rolls at his eyes. "Say, do you happen to know anywhere I can find some food?" Muffin asked.

The guy just gave him a weird stare.

"Okay, let's start this all over again. My name is Muffin." Muffin introduced. "Muffin Pendulum."

"Sunndaland. Jaimez Sunndaland."

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SILENT HILL AND ITS SERIES.**


End file.
